Part 2 of PETA and Ebert At the Movies

So, after's PETA's review, they offer us many insightful facts about fish. I would like to share these with you, as I think they are important.

Fact #1: "Fish talk to each other with sounds that humans can hear only with special instruments." Yes, we know of certain fish that do this. The Dolphin and the Whale. Whoa...wait a second....Dolphins and Whale's aren't fish! They're mammals.

Fact #2: "Fish like to be touched and often gently rub against one another—like a cat weaving in and out of your legs." This is some great observation PETA. Living creatures like to be "touched" and "gently rub against one another". This is a scientifically documented fact? The animals enjoy "gently rubbing against one another". First you say the fish talk to each other, and it's common sense that all animals communicate with their species in one way or another, and now you say that the enjoy "gently rubbing against one another". PETA has now become Captain Obvious. And PETA, you can say it...Fish like to fuck.

Fact #3: "Some fish tend well-kept gardens, encouraging the growth of tasty algae and weeding out the types that they don’t like." Whoooooa! That's a curveball, no more Captain Obvious. It seems that are fish friends are not like the slimy creatures we think they are. No, they are more like our good friend Martha Stewart. Come to think of it, yeah, they are slimy creatures.

Fact #4: "Like birds, many fish build nests where they raise their babies; others collect little rocks off the ocean floor to make hiding places where they can rest." What the hell kind of case are you trying to make PETA? Fish raise babies? A lot of fish just leave eggs floating around, and then these eggs get fertilized, then the fish come out, and they swim off. The bigger fish, the Sharks and the dolphins (whoops, dolphins are mammals, not fish) they raise their offspring. But PETA you are going to sit here and tell me that the large majority of ocean dwelling female fish, who lay hundreds of eggs, raise each one? Wow, I'd hate to be the male fish having to pay all that child support.

So all in all, what is PETA's message with these facts? Well, I'm glad you asked. "Believe it or not, all these fish behaviors have been documented by scientists! We don’t often consider the pain and suffering that fish endure before they end up on our plates, but we should: Fish are not swimming vegetables—they are intelligent animals who don’t want to end up as sushi or fish sticks." What? Fish are not swimming vegetables? What the hell? What are you talking about PETA? Swiming vegetables, you better mean vegetable in the "human vegetable" sense. But stil, you picked the wrong word to go with it. Swimming vegetables? Actually, no, you couldn't have meant it in the human vegetative state sense, since one couldn't swim if they were vegetables. So that means one thing, you are nothing but retards. Plain and simple. And your right, they probably don't wanna end up as fish sticks, they could also end up eaten by a big fucking shark. I'm sure that would be much better. Hey PETA, the fish are getting eaten one way or another, deal with it.