PETA Gone Wild Part 1

Well summer is upon us and that means the ideas just keep flooding into PETA. PETA has decided to launch a campaign entitled “PETA’s Wildest Summer”, or as I like to call it “We Are Losing Support So We Decided To Bust Out The Skanks”.

PETA’s first video installment is simply titled “Tofu Wrestling”. In this video, PETA decides to show off their classy side but portraying a female PETA representative and a former Playboy model duking it out in Tofu. Ahhh, that's just how Gandhi lead his protests!

Tofu Wrestling


As the skanks fight, PETA decides to put little breaks in the action via Tofu facts, hoping that these facts strewn in with the images of two half-naked whores fighting in a bucket of Tofu will win over the males….I’m sad to report that we probably did lose a few. But they were the fat kids who dress up as Star Wars characters anyways.

Tofu Fact #1: “Tofu doesn’t cause impotence like artery clogging meat does”. WHOA PETA, tone it down. That shot was waaaay below the belt. In a way, they are right…LITERALLY Tofu doesn’t’ cause impotence, but c'mon,we all know it does. I mean, if you’re on a date with some chick, and you order up the slice of Tofu at the restaurant……you may as well have ordered the "impotence causing, artery clogging meat", ‘cuz your going to be leading that same sex life. At least the guy who eats meat gets good food.

Tofu Fact #2: “Tofu contains multiple cancer fighting agents”

Yeah. So does sunscreen.

Tofu Fact #3: “Eating Tofu is much sexier than eating the corpse of a dead cow”. Well yeah, but it’s not sexier than eating the corpse of a dead kitten! Those things are cute. Seriously, if I own a restaurant, and I have enough money to buy a commercial, I’m going to want to showcase my best food. So what am I gonna throw out there? The big block of Tofu, or the sizzling T-Bone hot off the grill?

Once again PETA showcases off their editing skills, as they cut straight from the floozies to showing the plight of animals raised for slaughter. Good job PETA….by doing that you caught your tens of supporters “that can’t get a real chick, let alone watch real porn, so they have to settle for you wild summer videos” in mid-whack! By doing that, you actually caused them impotence!

You also forgot Tofu Fact #4: “GIRLS WHO FIGHT IN TOFU ARE SKANKS” C’mon PETA, eating meat is wrong, but demeaning yourself on the internet by wrestling in Tofu isn’t? Once you play the sex card, you look desperate for support, and you lose validity in your arguments. You should be smarter than that PETA.

What Would Jesus Do?

I was recently perusing the PETA website, and I found an ad that best exemplifies everything that is wrong with how PETA carries out it’s many messages.

The Movie

How's that blasphemy going for ya PETA?

So this begs the question...What Would Jesus Do? Uh...I think I can field this one PETA, you know, since I am Catholic and you did throw this out at Easter. PETA starts off this stunning cinematic masterpiece with a quote from Matthew 5:7 that reads "Blessed are the Merciful, for they shall know mercy"...Funny, I thought that always referred to treating your fellow man well. My bad, I guess I know now that the Bible isn't about treating our fellow man well. Quite on the contrary actually, it's all about how we treat our livestock. Damn, and I thought I knew what the 10 commandments meant....

I'm not sure if PETA has ever read any passages in the bible, but my guess is the people in there weren't all about animal rights. I mean, how many sheep got sacrifed for God? But don't worry PETA, I'm sure Abraham and Moses made sure to lethally inject the sheep before they sacrificed it, so it wouldnt' feel any pain. They never grabbed a sheep, carried it up to the top of a hill, slammed it down on an alter, and strapped it down with rope that no doubt cut the skin of the sheep. Even if they DID do all that, I'm sure that when it came time to kill the sheep, they never used they're old, dull, rusty knives. And all those time you read about them burning the sheep alive... nope, never happened .They always made sure to do it humane. Too bad you weren't around then PETA...you may have been the only organization that coulda stopped God and his evil tyranny! What a pity...Oh yeah, then they're was also the story where God asked Abraham to sacrifice his son...and he was going to do it....but your right PETA.....

But back to What would Jesus do?...well PETA, since this aired around Easter, I'm gonna tell you what Jesus did at Easter. He had this little thing called a Last Supper, where he gathered all his disciples, and they had a big feast, probably containing sheep and cattle...sort of like the sheep and cattle in the video. Then at the end of that feast, Jesus shared his OWN flesh and blood with them. Now, do you think a man that says "Take this and Eat it, all of you, this is my body, which has been given up for you" is gonna worry about a cow getting branded? Or a sheep being dragged around by a rope? C'mon PETA, Jesus rode into Jerusalem on a donkey, a donkey that was probably pretty damn exhausted after hauling Jesus around in the hot hot desert for a couple weeks, with very little water. And do you know why that donkey would have very little water PETA? Because it's a donkey...that was carrying Jesus.

At the end of this highly informative and persuasive video, PETA posts their GoVegan slogan....yes, if there's one thing I know about Jesus...it was that he was a vegetarian. I mean, he probably couldn't have gone 2 steps in the desert without seeing rows and rows of potatoes and carrots. Your right PETA, no meat for Jesus. And what's up with the closeup of the sheep at the end...do you not realize what the sheep represent in the Bible? Jesus is the shepherd...we are the sheep...That doesn't give the actual sheep any more rights... What would Jesus Do? Give Me A Break PETA.

P.S. I'm allowed to be blasphemous...I'm Catholic.

Pretending To Have An Impact

In recent PETA news, critically acclaimed rocker Chrissie Hynde….yes THE Chrissie Hynde…..still not ringing a bell…..lead singer of “The Pretenders”…anyhow, she recently fired off a letter to Mayor Yolanda Barcina Angulo of Pomplona (Spain),urging her to stop the Annual Running Of The Bulls, and instead call it the Human Race (kind of ironic, since they fight for the animal races). Apparently the organizers of these events electrically shock the bulls and poke them with sharp sticks before they let them run loose. I see where that’s a problem, shocking bulls isn’t humane at all, but do you know what else isn’t humane…being gored by a bull. These bulls have ample opportunity to get back at the humans that give them a “shock” by running down these morons in the narrow streets of Europe. And props to the people that shock and poke the bulls, that takes some serious stones, I can’t stand within a kilometer of a bull without feeling queasy, but these people are there aggravating them within a foot. That still makes them no different than the victims….my bad…participants of the Running of the Bulls….they’re both retarded. I sure hope PETA isn’t against science, because this is Darwinism in its most pure form. You should know this PETA, sometimes you just have to sit back and bask in Darwin's glory...he will take care of these injustices.

Instead of telling Mayor Yolanda to stop the Running of the Bulls, why doesn’t she instead tell the mayor to increase Education funding, that way people can realize that running away from bulls for fun is retarded.

As the letter continues on, she says that as the Running of the Bulls progresses, the bulls suffer bruises, cuts, and broken bones. Well hell, at least she shows her compassion for the humans that get maliciously attacked. Who cares if a few humans get gored, but God forbid the bull gets a cut on the hide….that must be irritating as hell.

She also pleads that they should ban bullfighting like their sister cities in Spain (Barcelona, Calonge, Tossa de Mar), moves that won these cities international respect. Has anyone ever heard of the great Spanish metropolis of Tossa de Mar?….would you even know Barcelona existed if it wasn’t for the Olympics? I do agree with Chrissie that bullfighting should be banned, in light of evidence that the bulls are given laxatives to make them weak in the fights, and then they are beat and tortured in front of a crowd. Simply put, that’s wrong. That does need to be stopped. That, or don’t weaken the bull and let the Matadors go one on one with the Bulls, and settle it that way. If you can kill a bull without weakening it prior to your fight, then you deserve to kill that bull.

But anyways, Thank You for your input Chrissie Hynde, maybe now you can Pretend the mayor will read your letter, maybe now you can pretend she’ll actually care, and maybe now you can pretend the international community actually gives a damn about you. Remember Chrissie, these Europeans can’t be reasoned with….they did give us soccer.

Chrissie's Letter

go there for the PETA article and Chrissie's letter(yes, I realize this is free publicity for PETA, but…it’s good to know the story from both sides)

A L'il Disclaimer

I would like to get one thing clear about this “crusade”. In no way am I against the humane treatment of animals. I’m not one of those people who used to rip the wings off flies as a kid, or the legs of a spider. I’m not one of those people that swerve at animals while I’m driving, (unless I see a Bald Eagle or a Condor). The basic idea behind PETA is great, Hey…I think all animals should be treated humanely…. but no way should they be treated equally as humans. If I’m driving a cattle truck, and I happen to crash the truck, I wouldn’t want the EMT’s rolling up and doing some triage with the cattle and me. I don’t want Betsy getting on the organ donor list while I wait and eventually have to take a hospital hostage in order to get my name on the list.

PETA is nothing more than a radical group that would like nothing more than for us to never eat meat (humans are omnivorous by nature, we need both meat AND vegetables), to not use animals for clothing (animal fur has kept humans warm for thousands of years), to not use animals for entertainment (which is valid, I don’t want to be entertained at the expense of an animal’s well-being, but if an animal trainer has taken the time to train an animal humanely, then I’m all for it. Teaching is one of mankind’s passions, and that doesn’t mean we have to stop with humans), and to not use animals for experimentation (I’d rather test a cure for any disease on a mouse rather than a human). Improvements need to be made for the horrific treatment of animals that take place in certain areas, but to deny using animals to satisfy our basic needs (food, clothing), goes against the very basis of human nature, and how our species has survived and grown to become the dominant species on the planet.

PETA doesn’t want us to eat meat…and that makes them enemies in my book.

The Official Website of PETA